Why do we groan all the time? – Psychology – Family – Education

Practical tools

On virtuous leadership : hvli.org/fr
Songs of praise on You Tube: Emmanuel Music
21 days for less moan: www.jarretederaler.com (videos of mothers who took up the challenge, downloadable kit to start, list of workshops in five modules in France, reference on books and exercise book …).

Stop grumbling? I confess that the question leaves me thinking a griller of my temper! Is it not better to discharge oneself from all that squeals rather than to look good and get an ulcer? Would the Catholics be the last to resist the injunctions of the prophets of optimism, who are us with the benefits of the expression of emotions?

I was stimulated a few years ago by the book I stop moaning (2011), become a bestseller: the energetic exhortations of Christine Lewicki, corporate coach, to be positive at all costs had convinced me that I had the cards in my hand to become a Zen professional! After a three-day test, where my determination had given way about thirty times – in front of the brand new scout beret lost on the first outing, to the black marker puppet on the wall of the hallway by my 3 year old daughter and at the loss of the hood of the family toothpaste – I surrendered.

So I went back to the book that made the author's fortune and now comes in several versions (see box above). It offers to all those in whom râlerie has become second nature to create new connections in their brains for " celebrate what lfor life gives us". Less than thirty days would suffice. What to leave skeptical those who know human nature and know at the price of what struggles is obtained salvation.

Educate one's character

The book is full of good advice, but we can not stop there. " Change is not done by force of the wrist. It is to a profound conversion of the heart that we are called"Warns Hortense de Fromont, leader of virtuous leadership workshops. The first step is to get to know each other, the second to educate one's character through the practice of virtues (prudence, temperance, courage …). To do this, three conditions are required: want, know and power.

In this case, one must be determined not to grumble and measure the sterility of the rattle; on the contrary, see how much the inner peace of a person springs up around her! Then, one has to wonder if one is able to take action: a psychologically fragile person must first work on himself, and if the wounds are too deep, resign himself to them and borrow one. another progression path.

Those who are apt to dismiss their perpetual grumblings will succeed all the more easily as they will be indulgent towards the grumblers of those around them. "bitch, analyzes the trainer,it is the submerged part of the iceberg, which highlights a difficulty to love oneself. The more merciful we are to others, the more we become to ourselves, the more we are pacified. Practice forgiveness, you will moan less!Complaining all the time is also refusing to accept reality as it is, with its annoyances. Contrarieties that are so many opportunities to grow, by submitting to it without flinching.


The more merciful we are to others, the more we become to ourselves, the more we are pacified. Practice forgiveness, you will moan less!

" Hortense de Fromont

This consent torough reality"(Rimbaud), who never ceases to resist our desires, is for the philosopher Martin Steffens the key to a successful life. In his precious work The life in blue (2014), he quotes this resolution of Nietzsche: "Today, I will welcome anything that falls bad! For the blind destiny too, I return my quills.»A whole program for unrepentant moaners!

Enter the praise

To acquiesce in events, to practice benevolence, to strive for virtuousness are the first steps to climb to grumble less often. At the top of the ladder is the most powerful weapon against this bad inclination: praise! Father Alain Dumont, author of two books on this theme (1)has been experimenting with it for thirty-five years. A seminarian, he was preparing a conference for eighty students, who fled from his computer at 3 am after a bad manipulation: "Given my milk soup temperament, I should have jumped to the ceiling! I caught myself proclaiming "Glory to God!", And my revolt faded away … Since then, I have tried to make (of praise) an art of living, and am constantly witnessing the wonderful fruits that result in those who put it into practice. I have several times held the hands of the dying able to thank Heaven for its benefits, despite their suffering."

Solweig, a mother of seven, confirms: "After reading un book on the importance of gratitude and thisi of the inevitable Christine LewickiI asked the children toe share each evening with the meal the three most beautiful temps their day. It's a training not to moan and to be in thanksgiving. It's very buoyant."Concretely, even if the children's room is a field of ruins, despite your repeated calls to tidy up, try to see what may deserve encouragement (the bed is done!) And apply the principles of non-violent communication: the statement ("this piece is a shambles"), The emotions it generates in you ("it pisses me offe moral"), your needs ("without golddre, I do not see any more clearlyAnd your requests ("can you take your part into remedy this diceorder?")

Father Dumont insists that it is a reflex to acquire: "Let's put the Father backWe are overcome by a rather pestering world, choosing to praise God, who is at work in our lives. It's not complicated and it moves mountains.Do not rely on Lucie, 16, to say otherwise: "I moan a lot, it's stronger than me. But since I went to Lourdes for a week with school, I had a click. There, everyone is happy, even the sick. I discovered how pleasant it is toDo not begrudge! Since then, I try to see more the good sidethings, and that makes me happier!When will a bestsellerI do not stop renting anymore?

Zero raillery: the bet of an entire family!

A couple from the Emmanuel Community marked by the reading of I stop moaning decided to try the adventure by involving his eight children. As the book suggests, they all wore a bracelet on the right arm, which tilts to the left at each râlerie, the goal being that it does not move anymore.

During a session in Paray-le-Monial, they confided to the 8-11 years that this challenge had been "arduous and sometimes discouraging"But extremely beneficial for the family atmosphere:"We have learned to better verbalize our needs and thresholds of tolerance, to no longer dwell on the negative, to cultivate benevolence and positive words, to give thanks more often!"


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