When we become one wound, it is best to clean it well and let it air dry. That way it will close, it will become a scar and it will stop hurting. When we look at it, we will remember what happened, but we will no longer feel pain. If, on the contrary, we cover the wound and tell ourselves that it is not there, it is possible that it will end up becoming infected and generating a more serious problem. The same thing happens with emotional wounds. When something has caused us harm, we must understand how it affects us and discover if there are blocks that continue to limit us. There are therapies that help us. It is a path that must be traveled with delicacy, patience and confidence in ourselves because these problems have a solution. This is how sure the psychiatrist Anabel González, author of ‘The scars do not hurt’ (ed. Planeta) is shown.
Anabel Gonzalez is a specialist in trauma and emotion regulation. In his book he shows us a revealing route to emotional healing. For her, letting go of the ballast of the past radically changes our present experiences and allows us to really be. It does this through therapy that has proven very helpful for post-traumatic stress. In fact, it gained strength after the attacks on the Twin Towers, in the US, and today it is used to overcome the traumas that haunt us and prevent us from living fully. It’s about EMDR (Eye Movement Desensibilization and Reprocessing), a way of working based on the use of circular movements and the reprocessing of memories with which we will learn to heal traumas and undo the mental knots that prevent us from evolving.
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How an EMDR session goes
We work with each memory looking for a representative image of the worst of that experience, of the negative feelings towards oneself that this situation provokes in the person and the change of perspective that he wants to occur at this level, as well as of the emotions and bodily sensations that are still active in relation to those memories. An EMDR session can proceed as follows.
- Through a structure of questions, the traumatic memory network (recall) is accessed.
- By means of biliateralized and alternative eye movements, tapping (alternative and bilateralized touches on the knees on the obverse of the patient’s hands), the memory network is stimulated.
- In this phase, stored disturbing emotions are released from the traumatic memory network.
- Reprocess: It is a “re-experiencing” the experience “hibernated” with new associations. In this way, new information is carried out in the brain. The memory can then be evoked without disturbance and with the absence of unpleasant physical bodily sensations (stomach pain, shoulder tension, chest tightness, headache, etc.) that you experienced during reprocessing and are part of the corporeal memory of the processed memory.
As Anabel González points out, working with EMDR is not about “digging into the past”, but about dismantling the negative influence of that past. Its real objective is to be able to live the present in another way, more satisfying, feeling more connected with ourselves and with others.
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Will I be able to heal my emotional wound?
The answer is yes. With time and with help. The psychiatrist recalls that “emotional healing processes have, therefore, a natural course that we must respect. Sadness, for example, has to be shed in tears, thus releasing the pressure. How sadness is usually generated by a loss , What produces even more relief is the connection with another human being that resonates with us, the embrace of someone who understands us. If we do this, the sadness will last for a while and, little by little, it will go away. There will be an emotional scar that He will tell us: “That was important to me, it hurt me to lose it,” but it will not stop us. Then it will be when we can really move on, “he says.
The expert also reminds us that for a wound to heal and heal, you have to try to stop ‘blaming yourself’ and take care of yourself. “If we try to unlock a difficult and painful experience while we are crushing ourselves internally for having let it happen, it will hurt even more. It is like trying to clean a wound that we are adding salt to by handfuls. to treat yourself better, to understand yourself and take care of yourself, and to do it even more when you feel bad, working with memories becomes more fluid and effective “, he emphasizes.
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