Surely sometime in your life "you lost your mind" for something. You didn't think react in an unpleasant situation and in less than a second you found yourself attacking someone or breaking something of anger.
What makes you act is the emotion, one of the most powerful energies we possess as humans. Do not think that it is just something mental, it is a complex mechanism that links body responses, pulse acceleration, sweating and change in facial expressions and of course, behaviors.
There are emotions that allowed us to survive. When we were more primitive the fear protected us from dangers and wild animals, the disgust It allowed us to avoid poisonous fruits. The go to it served us to conserve our territory, the joy He made us bond with our group while maintaining pleasant activities and sadness He showed us vulnerable to protect us from loss.
If the emotion is a impulse that leads you to act, then it is very important to act with emotional intelligence.
Daniel Goleman explains that the emotional intelligence It intervenes in the fundamental decisions of life, so it should be taught as it is central when choosing your partner, your profession, your place to live and all the essential things in your life.
It is not so easy to master the emotional impulse, but it has a huge reward: it gives you the possibility of being responsible for your own well-being, of regaining calm even after a "storm" of negative emotions.
Some steps to get the domain:
● First of all you have to be able to recognize and name the emotion you feel. This can be trained, for example by expanding vocabulary to name feelings.
● Then you have to accept it even if it is negative. That is called validate the emotion, recognizing that there were reasons for you to feel a certain way.
● Then you will have to be able express it properly, for example if you get very angry, before hitting that person you got mad at, you can take a few minutes and when you are calmer talk about what bothered you so much.
● Finally you must regular the emotion so that it does not invade your life, to moderate your impulses and that does not make you commit an act that generates danger to you or another as in the movie A day of fury.
Is this the same as repressing you? No, definitely not. It's about you having means when you feel invaded by an emotion, and there are many techniques that can be learned for it.
The simple deep breathing, some meditation technique or drinking a glass of water slowly can help to achieve calm. Any strategy to regulate your emotional flow will make you feel better.
Another very useful resource in the social field is something we usually forget: Think before speak, since many unpleasant situations are motivated by misunderstandings between people.
If you want to train to lower the conflict levels You can ask yourself a few questions before saying something to someone, for example:
1- What will I say is true? Am I sure or is it just a personal opinion?
2- Does saying something help this situation?
3- Does someone inspire what he is going to say, is it constructive, does he contribute something?
4- Is it really necessary to say it or is it just my way of filling a silence?
5- Is this the best time to say it, is it adequate now?
6- Do I have to say it to me?
7- Will I say it kindly?
And yes, what you are going to say is likely to be greatly reduced, but it will help you interact better with other people, with the circumstances of your life and with yourself.
You will achieve greater skills in dealing with others, more positive behaviors and prosocials that will make others also treat you better.
You are going to avoid conflicts and violence, which will undoubtedly lower your anxiety and stress levels. You will not avoid what happens, but you can regulate the consequences that this has for you and others. In these times that can get violent it is worth practicing.
(*) Laura Podio has a degree in Art and Psychologist (MN: 66722), founder and director of PSIDEAR Psychology from Art.