I'm bored or afraid of heights
"Qis-what am I going to do? I don't know what to do! "At Godard, it's Anna Karina who utters this exasperating refrain. At home, it's my son, at 9 a.m. in his pajamas, loudly clamoring for someone to take care of him, to get him out of this state where nothing is happening. Unable to be the motor of his own action, the bored waits for it to be activated. Like a pendulum! Terrible experience. Time of death. It is noon. A time passes. It is only ten past twelve. Time does not pass. Guilty, his father rushes to play with him. He turns into a recreation center animator.
" Children's schedules, on weekends and on vacation, are organized like work time. You need activities everywhere, otherwise, you're a bad parent, notes Hélène L’Heuillet.At the risk of doing parental burnout! But it’s great that the child is bored. This founding experience readi can conquer his times subjective. If he misses this step, he will be an adult tossed about from activity to activity. The conquest of subjective time must take place in childhood, before the sexual arises. "And luckily he will have created a bedrock to endure heartbreak! Or, further in his life, retirement!
Oronte, 65 years old, successful career, never had time to be bored. And there it is the bamboo shoot. He was waiting for the blessed hour of retirement. It is finally coming. But never having lived in his time, he fell into a pit of boredom. He takes a ticket for this cruise he had dreamed of for twenty years. And nothing is right. " The meal is not good, the weather is not good, my wallet has been stolen. And he does not discover this country he dreamed of. Not because of these little inconveniences! But because he is bored, because he has never learned to inhabit his time.
What to do ? Declare a " free time "Where nothing is done. No game console either. My son will have to ask himself metaphysical questions about sleep, death, love. To take care of others. To find your own desire. It is this latter that will serve as his compass and guide his life. And once an adult? Make time to delay. To differ. What will happen if you postpone your work a bit to dream a bit? Nothing at all.
I'm stingy with my time or the cult of performance
Cléon is in a hurry to take advantage of it. He opens his agenda for each decision. His life must be intense. Selfish, narcissistic and greedy, he believes he has only one life. He schedules his time brilliantly. He has it all planned. And he's in a hurry. It's me first. " Life is short, I'm not going therespoil answering my sister-in-law to tell meebite platitudes for an hour!"
Unhappy! He does not know that he is inheriting a past life, that he is preparing future lives, he does not know that we do not live for ourselves, that we come from elsewhere, and that we live several lives. , in dreams, readings, thoughts, and in the lives of others, too. His quest for performance does not make him more alive. It impoverishes him on the contrary of all that life. She is a "expression of the death drive"Which pushes him to"kill time in instinctual satisfactions".And he misses out on his genuine desire by running after a few unique moments.
For this one, taking time for others is vital. Take care of small delays, downtime too, those who are "par excellence of living times“, Absolutely not profitable, but only fruitful. In these intervals arise prayer or dream, where time is set aside so that the best may grow there, in due time.
I am always late ! or perfectionism in action
There are two types (at least) of latecomers. There is Cléante who is due to receive a candidate for a computer scientist position at 2 p.m. 13 h 55: he is early, him. However, he is in no hurry. 2:15 p.m., he still checks his emails. 2:30 p.m., he confirms his ticket to Oslo. He knows very well that his postulant is not going to leave. And if he's gnawing a bit … Too bad. Or so much the better! Who hasn't been seated at a cafe, waiting for a date that doesn't come? "Has he had an accident? Has he forgotten me? I was sure he (or she!) Wantedt break!""This latecomer is inexcusable. He places himself in a posture of domination, incapable of being in a healthy relationship to otherness", Analyzes Hélène L’Heuillet.
And there is the other latecomer. The one who procrastinates. The one who saves the best for last, "that is to say his own desire". This one makes itself wait. He would really like to go for a walk. It's so nice out. But first this email. Ah! First fix the hair dryer. First pay this bill. First take a look at my Facebook news. And my family ? Well, at 11:35 p.m. it's a little late. And life goes by. He wanted to save the best for last; he finds himself at the end of his life, and the best has not happened.
"He is the good student of existence. He puts his duty ahead of his deep desire, certain that he will taste her pleasure all the better. But today thethe pressure is such that the meit does not happen. There is always an urgent email or an important phone call.Our compulsive latecomer must learn to make better use of the delay. By postponing the tasks ordered, sometimes he will learn to put the best, if not at the beginning, at least in the middle!
I'm wasting my time or the misdeeds of the pressure
Clitandre, 15, does not want to leave his room. More precisely, from his bed! And not to sleep there! He even complains of not getting enough sleep. He's not going to class; he suffers from school phobia. He was even expelled from school for absenteeism. He stays away from his life, doesn't want to profit, doesn't want to do anything with his life. But although idle, Clitandre is very busy. There is no free interval. He's always on the Internet. He is one of those Oblomovs, named after the eponymous novel by Russian writer Iva Gontcharov, whom psychologists increasingly encounter in their practice, and who keep putting themselves off.
Let’s not throw stones at him. We (almost all) have an Oblomov in us. How many thought to reread a dozen books, during confinement, and did not go after three pages? What exactly did we do? We watched series. "The series is the cure for time pressed,Hélène L’Heuillet analyzes.The suspense that closes each episode is congruent with a world under pressure. The two pressures cancel each other out. They have the same role as the parties, which serve to stupefy those who are confronted with a hectic pace of life."
Often, the teenager who wastes his time has been a busy child, who sees pressure everywhere. At 13, he was asked: "What is your professional project?", When we have never entered the labor market so late, when we promise him unemployment! So that childhood does not die, we must relax the relationship with time, relieve the pressure in which we are all caught. Agree to go slowly.
I'm overwhelmed ! or the temptation of omnipotence
Frosine has four children, a husband, a job, a great CV. Sometimes you can hear him shouting: "Hey! Oh ! I am not Shiva, me! I don't have sox arms to do three things togetherme time.However, everything must be held together at the same time. Shopping, cleaning, cooking, accounts, dates, school, nanny. Incidentally, the office. And the husband. When we say to him: "Take time for yourself!She shrugs her shoulders:You can see you don't know what it is to becontinuously requested, from morning to sEven at night, not having a minute of your time."
For this one (who is sometimes a man), a horse remedy: discipline yourself to be late. At times, shift things, get out of the infernal circle where we react to pressure with pressure, where all hierarchy between tasks disappears, where a late washing machine is a disaster, where the machine is oiled up by the seconds that go by. chained to put everything in a shoehorn will derail if it takes five minutes late. For those who are obsessed with the clock, delay sets the record straight. The child, the spouse realizes that no, it is not a mechanism that keeps the house going, but a subject.
"These exhausted mothers, to whom in addition, sometimes, their spouse reproaches for not being available,says Hélène L’Heuillet,must imperatively use greed. It’s vital to tip the scales. There is always a way. It doesn't matter who it falls on."
Will you be late to pick up your children? They won't go to Dass for that. Will you be late to drive them in the morning? Will they walk through the school with the principal, under the gaze of all the other children? Well, this is a must have experience! There's nothing to eat ? We always find! Anything rather than getting into the "I always do more", A" plus "that nobody sees, that everyone finds normal, and which does not prevent them from asking you … always more.