Not enjoying the happiness of others is perfectly normal

You may have already felt a touch of jealousy when a friend of yours told you that they were getting a great promotion, buying a beautiful apartment, or getting engaged. Well know that this feeling does absolutely not make you a person with a dark soul, reassures Vice.

This is a completely normal feeling, emphasizes clinical psychologist Miriam Kirmayer: "It is perfectly appropriate to experience both happiness and envy, pride and concern for our own future or our goals."

However, you may feel the need to understand why the success of those close to you is envious of you. Four explanations can be put forward.

1. You think success is limited

When someone brings you good news, you may be tempted to believe that if that person has achieved something, it means that there will be less good things available to you.

This is an error: another person's success doesn't affect yours, says psychologist Ayanna Abrams.

2. You feel you deserve what the other has

"When we get closer to people, we start to include them in our sense of self, so that their joy is like our joy and their pain is like our pain.", recalls Marisa G. Franco, psychologist and friendship expert.

However, this feeling can also lead you to think that because your friend got something, you deserve to get it too. Nothing is guaranteed, however, which can be difficult to accept.

3. You set yourself deadlines

Society can cultivate in you the idea that there is a certain age to be successful: an age to get married, have children, or even get the job you dream of. But life is not a race.

Miriam Kirmayer notes in this capacity that “The more rigid we are with deadlines, the more easily we find ourselves caught up in social comparisons and in a state of mind of lack”.

4. You minimize your successes

You can be so focused on what your loved ones have that you don't that it makes you forget about your own successes and victories.

Know that the more you neglect, minimize and disqualify your prowess, "Plus learning about success from a friend can lead to feelings of jealousy, envy, frustration or worry", comments Miriam Kirmayer.

Ayanna Abrams recommends writing down in a notebook every day what you've achieved, what you love about yourself, what you're proud of, and the people who make you feel better. Re-read these pages regularly, in order to have a more positive and fair image of yourself. "Remembering what you have leaves you less time to think about what you don't have", enlightens the specialist.

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