It is good to complain (but do it well)

Rotten weather, too much work, a package that doesn't arrive, blocked public transport: there are a thousand reasons to complain. If whining too much, whining about your fate does not seem very productive (in addition to being unbearable for those around you), practiced sparingly and with full knowledge of the facts, it can prove to be much more useful than you think .

At first, it is important to reassure yourself: everyone is complaining! Even the most hopelessly positive person, whose smile is inseparable from his face, groan and wail. Why? Because life just isn't perfect.

Expressing negative feelings is not only normal but also healthy, says Robin Kowalski, professor of psychology at the University of Clemson, in the United States: the unrealistic expectation that we should always be happy could make us feel even more wrong. To repress his dissatisfaction is to risk burying in the bottom of oneself a problem which perhaps deserves all our attention.

Dr. Kowalski distinguishes the complaint "Expressive", blowing, and the complaint "Instrumental", in order to achieve a goal. Both can be beneficial. Complaining and going ahead can allow us to step back from a stressful situation, to put words into words about our feelings. And the simple fact of naming what is wrong already amounts to freeing yourself from part of your weight.

But that's not all: socially, a good little complaint can help create a link with strangers. When everyone sighs at the bus stop because the wait is endless, the conversation begins more quickly and easily. Complaints are a social tool that we particularly like.

The art and the way

The line between legitimate recrimination and unfounded whining is thin. If complaining is part of our means of communication, there is, as with any type of exchange, an appropriate place and time to do so.

Too often, we express how annoyed or annoyed we are by a situation without proposing a constructive outcome. As a New York Times article warns, beware of the spiral of negative complaints from which you will not be able to extricate yourself.

Avoid going to cry in the arms of someone reinforcing your negative views rather than helping you find solutions. Use short, thoughtful sessions to make your lamentation a positive experience.

For small grievances, taking a step back can help you quickly eliminate this feeling of negativity; for larger complaints, this can point the way for you to change in your daily life.

The New York Times advises to go beyond the defeatist attitude of saying that anyway, "It's no use". To be effective, think constructively and complain as much as you want!

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