Is a fart or a lack of erection more traumatic? A fizzy explosion or the first snore? To get started, the word fart has its own verb. Peer means to throw wind from the belly through the anus and is conjugated as the verb to read: I peo, you pees, the pee …
“The fart is a line that is crossed”, tells us the psychology and sexologist Mariana Kersz, a most audacious graduate who gets into relationship issues as few specialists dare to do so. Obviously she is not an expert in “eschatological matters”, but the author of A trip to pleasure (Uranus) approaches the taboo convinced that today it is easier to talk about a fellatio -which is not an ice cream parlor, but a practice of oral sex-, that of the flatulent “codes” in a relationship.
Just as it is a theme the first time – the short Guinzburg was obsessed with the sexual debut of his guests – the first fart also has its own philosophy. What to do? Naturalize it, talk it over? Go to the bathroom? Can you sleep with someone for the first time without the unconscious repressing your sleep for fear of a legendary wind?
From his desk, Kersz attends to the demands of this newspaper, clarifying that, in effect, “The first fart is a controversial issue”.
-Explain if you are so kind …
-Probably at the height of the barbecue debate between friends with other matters such as whether or not to tell the couple that they have bad breath, if a massage with a “happy ending” can be considered infidelity, on which side of the crack is each one, what happens when the woman earns more money than the man, what to do if one of the two is more in love with his job than with the partner or what happens if they see you watching porn.
Patch “Flatulence Deodorizer” to always smell mint flavor.
-There are many barriers …
-They are the milestones of a couple, such as the first kiss or the first time they have sex. The love advances towards a stable relationship.
-But what about the eschatological in a bond?
-In the beginning you have to understand that we are living beings and all living beings have processes that are natural. Taking it with humor is a good clue. Nobody wants to be the first to break just, just that barrier. But if it happens, taking it with humor can help de-drama a moment that can be tense and embarrassing for both of you.
-Why does the natural cause shame?
-Definitely throwing a gas in front of another person exposes an intimate part and in short it can also be considered an excess of confidence.
The cartoonist Bianca xunise, self-styled “gothic of color”, publishes in media such as Vogue and he’s one of the few people in the world who can openly indulge in farting humor cartoons. In an interview published in HuffPost, a medium from the United States, she says that the relationship with her partner is based on trust, and that trust itself is the possibility of farting in front of the other.
Xunise (www.biancaxunise.com) says that her boyfriend and she started doing it a few days after meeting and, somehow, they knew that thanks to those loud or smelly bowel movements they were the one for the ortho (sorry !! other). “I always started out being friends with most of the guys I’ve dated, so they got to know all my habits, even before we kissed,” she said.
TO Mariana kersz he likes to decorate little and avoids the secret of all the things that normally deserve it. “Some couples prefer that these types of situations take place in private, in the bathroom, away from the presence of the other. For shame, morals or the type of education they have received … “
-And that shouldn’t happen.
-No, no, it is good that it happens, the important thing is not the determination they make in relation to these natural situations, which logically will continue to occur within a couple, but that they can openly discuss individual preferences related to these issues. Some people, for example, prefer to go to the bathroom when their partner is not present, or they ask them to go out to make a purchase or they wait for them to go to work so that they can feel some “peace of mind” and have privacy. Others, on the other hand, do not mind passing gas or going to poop in the bathroom when their partner is present. They even learned to laugh at themselves along with the couple. Dialogue is the best tool. Reaching agreements, “negotiating” the eschatological moments of the couple also makes growth based on fun, enjoyable and, of course, real practices.
– When the case comes, is a fart or a lack of erection more traumatic?
-The lack of erection can be more traumatic and disturbing. I interpret the fart as a barrier, as a line that is crossed. Perhaps it has to do with a link that has already been established. But the lack of erection trauma, and a lot, to men who suffer from it. They are so afraid that it will happen again that they end up returning to the same situation generated by not being able to connect with pleasure, by not being able to find the erotic point of the meeting. They are so connected with failure, with difficulty, with feeling like a failure, that they return to conflict to the point of not wanting to meet even to go on a date.. They begin to have symptoms very similar to those of a panic attack. It is something else. Farting is something that can be managed from empathy, but dysfunctions are more traumatic because women, many women, take this situation badly. They believe that this occurs because the man is gay or because they do not attract him enough or because they are with others. There is also a lot of taboo there.
For Mariana Kersz, farting is one of the “milestones of the couple”, like the first kiss and the first time they have sex.
-Is it more difficult to have sex with a new person, or sleep with a new person?
-Sleep with another is a more intimate act than having sex. They have relationships and each one goes home. There is nothing wrong with that, it is almost normal as a procedure. Sleeping with someone else puts trust at stake and is taking another step forward. One day I stay to sleep, the next day I bring you the toothbrush and that’s how I settle down. In this case, I would speak of intensity and it has to do with what each one contributes to the affective bond to be able to resolve the situations that arise. You have to lower the decibels of demand. Women are very cruel. This would give for another talk: how we react to erectile dysfunctions. I work with stable couples, for a long time, couples with children, where the woman is more than hostile in reference to the dysfunction of the man.
-Unlike farting, burping seems to have a much healthier outlook. Can you tell the difference between one and the other?
– Put from that perspective, it is probable, it can be. But there is a social pact that explains what would be the good behaviors at a table. It is a natural, biological, normal process, yes, we agree, but you can also avoid the violence of burping the other in the face. You have to see to what extent it is natural and to what extent that person you are meeting is disrespectful.