In adults with high intellectual potential, commonly called gifted, emotions live “in a volcano filled with magma”, in the words of Dr. Valérie Foussier, endocrinologist and author of the book “Gifted adults, gift or burden”.
A “character of all extremes”
These explosive and burning emotions nourish love, as much as they can weaken it. Thus, couple relationships are often intense when one of the two spouses is gifted: the adult with high intellectual potential is a “character of all extremes”, confirms Dr. Foussier. Presenting “a strong empathy, an emotional dependence, an anxiety of intense abandonment, strong feelings of irrational fear and a strong need for a stable and solid relationship”, the lover is often a driving force in listening, tenderness and in the maintenance of the exclusive link. But also a generator of large-scale conflicts.
“His thought tree is also responsible for sudden changes in mood. »Thus, he can« pass in an instant from laughter to tears, from absolute ecstasy to the deepest distress like an electric shock ». These phenomena are all the stronger when the incomprehension and the romantic dispute are on the program.
Take on yourself and explode
According to Dr. Foussier, in the event of a couple crisis in particular, the adult with high intellectual potential “tries to keep all the emotions that assail daily” at a distance.
At first, the person “tries to channel himself, to minimize, to repress. She is constantly trying to reduce the rash, despite the tears that rise and the anger that invades. Then the reaction ends up taking everything away like “a devastating tsunami.” This extreme crisis aims to evacuate the surplus ”.
But what behavior to adopt then to avoid unnecessary explosions, and go beyond the fact that for the adult concerned, “1 second of disappointment = 1 month of discomfort”? “To wait without saying anything or saying very neutral things, talking about something else. Above all, do not intervene on the origin of the emotional charge so as not to give a hold to this volcano. “
In a few words, “tame your emotions, isolate yourself, develop your creativity”, quite simply to occupy your mind with something other than what weighs you down. The idea is “to also stop the ping-pong of emotions and accept the place of suffering which can be life-saving in certain situations”.